Hope keeps us alive
by alarma1
Summary: I'm not good at summaries. Just read. It's about Ross and Rachel.
1. Sandra

Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me (if they did I wouldn't be posting stories here!!) but to Crane, Kauffman and Bright. This is just for entertainment.  
  
The others aren't in this so much, but if u want, I'll try to include them in the chapters to come.  
This is purely fictional...and doesn't pick up after any events on the show..this fic just uses characters from Friends...on with the fic.I know it's short, it's just the beginnig   
  
  
        He was my best friend and all those years he had helped me getting through difficult times of my life, like my parents' death. But soon, it would all be over. He would go, get married and have children with his girlfriend. Sandra. Just thinking about her was making me shiver. I couldn't stand her.  
I guess it all started when I got my job at Ralph Lauren. Sandra was my assistant, and we became friends right away. She was the kind of woman who would date men just for sex and she was getting tired of her lifestyle. Soon after her 'change', I introduced her to my best friend Ross. He was my rock, my shelter. If I had known what I know now, I would never have introduced them. Ross, Sandra and I were inseparable, until she made a move on him. I never knew how much he meant to me until he was taken away from me. She took him away. The first months when they were dating, everything was fine. I was jealous, but I never said anything. When they moved in together, I couldn't hold it any longer. I had to tell him about my feelings for him and tell him what kind of girl Sandra really was.  
I'll never forget the look on his face when I told him the truth about his girlfriend. He was hurt, angry, sad. He became really angry when I told him that I was in love with him. He told me how he never dared to act on his feelings for me because he thought it would have hurt me. Tears began to fill up my eyes when I realized that he had loved me all those years. I began to see things differently and I kept playing memories in my head. It was always the same : Ross' look whenever I came back from a date. At that time, I never payed much attention to that look, but when I look back, I realize that it was sadness. He was hurt.  
It was their wedding night and I was home, curled up on the couch, trying not to cry. I had received an invitation a month ago, but decided not to go because it would hurt me to see them get married. It was around midnight that I heard a light knock on the door. I was surprised when I opened the door to see Ross standing there. He was wearing his tuxedo and he was looking like a mess. I stood there, my eyes red from crying, being unable to say anything. I was hoping it was a sign of some sort.

Please review. Until next time, take care.


	2. Memories

          Three years before Sandra came into our life, Ross and I were inseparable. We were living across the hall from one another and it was great. When we would watch a scary movie at his place, he would let me sleep with him because I was so scared of going back home and be all alone. People who would see us in the streets or in rstaurants always thought we were a couple. Maybe because we had such chemistry or maybe because we would usually hold hands.  
          One time we were at his place, watching a scary movie like we always would, but that time was different. We ended up kissing. I don't know what led to us kissing, I guess it just happenned. And it felt so right ! But I was afraid of the consequences that it could have on our friendship. After we broke the kiss, we were both pretty shocked and breathless.  
          « That was unexpected ! » was all I could say. He looked at me, then down again. He wanted to say something but couldn't get it out. So I lifted up his chin to look at him in th eyes. « Was I a bad kisser ? » I said trying to lighten the mood. He smiled weakly. He was afraid of something but I coulnd't get what.  
          « I think I'm gonna go to bed now », he finally said.   
          « Hold on a minute ! If that kiss is gonna ruin our friendship, I don't think I can take it. If I could I would take it all back. » When I said those last words, I saw hurt and sadness in his eyes. He wanted to say something, something big I thought. But he didn't. He kept his feeling to himself. He left the room without even looking at me.  
          The morning after, Ross came over to my place for breakfast and acted as if nothing has happenned the night before. I figured that I should also pretend that nothing had happenned. So I did, and we were as close as before. When I think about it now, I know what Ross wanted to say. He wanted to say three magic little words that could have changed our lives. At that time, I'm not sure it would have been such a great idea because I still considered him as my best friend, not as a potential boyfriend.  
          My thoughts were interrupted by a light knock on the door. I was surprised when I opened the door to see Ross standing there. He was wearing his tuxedo and he was looking like a mess. I stood there, my eyes red from crying, being unable to say anything. I was hoping it was a sign of some sort. And I now know that it was a sign. For some reason we stood there, just looking at each other. I could tell Ross was devastated. Why was he like that ? I didn't know, but I was going to find out.


	3. Reflective time

Ross and I were always together. We used to do everything together. Sometimes we acted as a couple. This "life" we had created together was great, but also very confusing to other people. I was still going on dates but I could never find what I was looking for. One night, after I came home from a date, Ross came over and we started talking.

"How was your date?", Ross asked with sadness in his voice.

"It was okay. But he's not what I'm looking for," I said kinda frustrated. "Why can't I find someone Ross?

"Well, I don't know why Rach. You're beautiful, talented, amazing. You're a guy's dream."

I was touched by what Ross had said. I was so blind back then. He was declaring his love for me and I never picked up on it. Maybe I didn't wanna pick up on it. I don't know anymore.

"Thank you Ross. You're so sweet. What would I ever do without you?"

"I don't know Rach. You wouldn't have anyone to cheer you up after your sucky dates," he stated.

"But what if I never find someone?" I whined. "I'll end up an old maid!"

"C'mon Rach. Maybe you're looking in all the wrong places. What you're looking for might be right in front of you. You just don't see it." With that, he left.

I thought a lot about what he had said that night and after that, I started looking at guys that I knew but never really paid attention to. I never looked at Ross and 'till this day, I don't know why.

When I think about it now, I feel so bad for Ross. There he was, trying to tell me that he was in love with me and I was completely blowing him off without knowing it.

Ross never let on his emotions so how was I to know that he was in love with me? While I was sitting on my couch crying my eyes out thinking that he was getting married to _her_. I became angry. How dare he yell at me when I told him I was in love with him? If he had done something before Sandra came into our lives, we might have been together by now. So, if you think about it, I'm not entirely to blame. At least, I had the courage to tell him, even though it wasn't the right moment, I agree.

I looked at my watch and sighed. It was over. He was married to _her_. And to think that I was the one to introduce him to her. What a fool I was!

My thoughts were interrupted by a light knock on the door. I was surprised when I opened the door to see Ross standing there. He was wearing his tuxedo and he was looking like a mess. I stood there, my eyes red from crying, being unable to say anything. I was hoping it was a sign of some sort. And I now know that it was a sign. For some reason we stood there, just looking at each other. I could tell Ross was devastated. Why was he like that ? I didn't know, but I was going to find out.


	4. Author's note

Hey guys, thanks for all your reviews. I just wanna say that it's gonna take a while for me to upload anew chapter because I'm swamped with homework. Quarter's almost over though.  
I wanna explain why all three chapters have been ending the same way. Rachel is reflecting on the past and the story ends with Ross showing up on her doorsteps on his wedding day. The story will eventually move along and will go into the future, past the point where ross is at the door. I still gotta think about what's gonna happen. I still don't know where I want this story to go. Should I add more drama ? Well, let me know. Thanks again for all your reviews. I'll try to make the chapters longer (they were short because I wanted to post them before I'd change my mind.).  
Till next time.


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